The Desert Periscope

Memories....

2007-08-21T05:24:00.000+04:00

Link Updates and Magazine Story

2007-03-13T03:36:00.000+03:00

Yes, I'm enjoying my time at home!

I've been periodically updating the Blogroll with links to other sandbox sailor blogs... be sure to keep reading them!

The March issue of the Navy League's Sea Power magazine features JCCS-1 as its Cover Story. Read it!

Going Deep!

2007-02-13T06:36:00.000+03:00

It's been a long few days of traveling, but I have finally arrived home. The excitement, smiles, and hugs have been wonderful as I've enjoyed the day with my family. But crossing eleven time zones in two days without more than a few hours of sleep has left me exhausted. I'll be crashing early tonight, and spend the next few days getting reacquainted with a normal life.

I have enjoyed keeping this journal as a record of my experiences over the past year. Marking time with a daily post was an excellent stress-reducing routine, and looking for interesting things to share helped pass time in an otherwise dull and monotonous place. I have had many more interesting stories than I could share publicly, I have made good friends and look back on this last year as one of the most rewarding times in my life.

As I am no longer in the "desert", I feel this is an appropriate time to bring this blog to a close. It will remain available, of course, as long as the information in it is relevant to future Individual Augmentees, but this will be my final post as I slip beneath the waves. I encourage you to continue reading the other fine sandbox sailor blogs listed in the blogroll to the right, especially The One Wire, My Desert Adventure, Sandboxrich, the Segredo Family Blog, The Adventures of Professor Lieutenant Soule, The Landlocked Sailor, Mission Iraq - Round 2, and Air Force EWO in Iraq members of the group replacing mine. I'm sure they'll appreciate having an audience and hearing any comments you have about their experiences.

Fair winds and following seas! Dive! Dive!

The Penultimate Periscope Post

2007-02-09T16:20:00.001+03:00

I've always liked the word "penultimate". For the uninitiated, it means second-to-last, and this will be my second-to-last post to the Desert Periscope blog; the last one from overseas. Expect silence for about three days and a final post once I'm safely home.

This morning we had a few meetings and we're all done except for a very long process of getting up early, taking a long bus ride, checking through customs, waiting a very long time (overnight in an air terminal), riding a very long flight, and finally arriving at Baltimore sometime Sunday evening. Due to my bad luck with my e-ticket, I'll end up in "Amazing Race" mode visiting the ticket counter and trying to find the first flight home (or anywhere nearby) and if I have enough time, getting a hotel room for a quick catnap before an early Monday flight. No doubt I'll be exhausted, but happy to be home when it's all over.

Most of the idle speculation among us is how long it will take before we're sent back here. Most of the younger officers see their return as inevitable. I am fortunate enough to be close to my retirement, and I'm sure the timing will work in my favor to prevent a return. It's not bad duty, really, except for the long separation from the family. That is something I really don't want to do again.

Off to finish packing and fly home!

A Load off my Shoulders

2007-02-08T15:44:00.001+03:00

Today was the first official day of our four-day checkout process. My boredom from the past two days (a result of early arrival to guarantee being here on time) was rewarded with a few hours of actual activity! Only a few hours, but boy were they productive.

In the morning, we turned in two full duffle bags worth of equipment that the Army had issued us (and turned in the duffle bags, too!) It was nice saying good bye to heavy armor, unnecessary mosquito netting, a trenching tool, and a lot of other things I never used. I did somehow manage not to lose anything in all that time.

In the afternoon, we were able to finally turn in our weapons. My arrangements with my Army officemates to help me clean paid off, as I didn't have to do any cleaning and was complimented for having a weapon so clean "It should be an example for everyone on how to have a clean weapon." I did fess up that I'd had some help, mainly because everyone else who was having to re-clean theirs was asking me how I did it. The best part about that turn-in is that I don't have to carry those heavy items around all the time or worry about having someone watch them. It's truly a liberating feeling.

K - U - Wait some more

2007-02-07T14:20:00.001+03:00

I wish I could have something more interesting to report, but today has been another day of doing nothing but sitting around and waiting. With a scheduled flight home, there's nothing I can do to move up the process, and only a limited amount of things to do until then to pass the time.

I have unpacked and repacked a few times, experimenting with ways of doing it more efficiently, and deciding it really doesn't matter. I have more stuff than will fit in one bag, and not enough to fill two. At least I have some flexibility in how to arrange things.

Tomorrow we'll get to turn in most of the Army-issued equipment, including our weapons. That will be a relief -- at present we have to either carry our weapons around everywhere or make sure we have someone guarding them. So even our time off isn't totally "off" since we're trying to take our turns playing lookout.

I'm still working on shifting my flight up 10 hours, but haven't heard any results yet. My wife had the great suggestion of an alternate airport with more flight options, and I may do that! After waiting this long to get home, there's no way I'm going to wait around all day at an airport stateside!

K - U - Wait

2007-02-06T19:07:00.001+03:00

Well, it's been a lovely, and boring, day in Kuwait. I've accomplished exactly two things, each of which took five minutes, and spent most of the rest of the time sitting around. First was a post-deployment health screening, where I got to officially complain about breathing the fumes from the burning trash pit at Balad. Duly noted. And second was locating my e-ticket itinerary for my flight home.

And that's where I got really annoyed. My flight into BWI from Kuwait arrives late enough that I can't get another flight home until the next day. Not a big problem; I was expecting that. But worse than that, they booked me on a flight that doesn't leave BWI until that evening! I'd spend almost 20 hours sitting around in Baltimore wishing I was home, and not arrive until late in the evening. And the most frustrating part is that another member of the same unit, returning to the same airport as I am, is booked on a nice early morning flight that gets in at noon! Waah!

I have, of course, put in a request to change my ticket but I'm not holding my breath. They may have had only one seat on the earlier flight, and by the luck of the draw (or perhaps alphabetical order) it went to the other person and costs me 10 hours with my family. Kind of goes with the theme of this deployment. One last little kick on my way home.

Thinking Out of the Box

2007-02-05T18:48:00.001+03:00

Woohoo! The first leg of the homeward journey is complete. Well, the first three legs if you count all the take-offs and landings today. But as the sun sets I find myself in Kuwait, after having bid goodbye to Iraq for the last time.

One of the local "slang" terms in the military for Iraq is "the sandbox". Even though there's plenty of sand here, it isn't "in the box" and is, therefore, a bit more relaxed.

Coincidentally, our aircraft stopped briefly at Baghdad on its way here, and the last time my feet were on Iraqi soil (concrete, actually) were very close to the first place that I set foot in the country over nine months ago. Back then I had no idea what I was getting in to. It was quite a different feeling having all the experiences behind me as I headed the other direction.

Now that I really have no possible way of checking my work email or helping my replacement out, it's safe to get my mind off the war and back toward getting home. I won't have much to do for the next two days other than watch TV, read, eat, sleep, and repeat. Well, that and 8 days' worth of laundry.

Homeward Bound

2007-02-04T21:35:00.001+03:00

If all goes according to plan, this should be my last post from Iraq. Although I tried to sneak out today, first on a scheduled flight, and later by Space-A, things didn't work out. For having the entire day "off" I sure don't feel like I rested. In order to try to go Space-A, I had to wake up at 4am just to sign up for a flight. When I did finally wake up, and headed off to shower, I returned to find my room locked (with my key inside) and my roommate/replacement off on a 5-mile run. Various attempts to get a backup key failed until he returned. By the time I finished packing and had lunch, it was time to go up to the terminal to try to catch a flight. By the time I got back from that failed attempt, it was dinner time. Only now, in the evening, do I have some time to kick back. Well, at least I'm not complaining about being bored in Kuwait!

Several readers have been leaving comments recently on how much they've enjoyed reading over the last year. Thank you all for the kind words. It has been a fun part of my routine and a great way of helping the time go by. I do hope you've found some other great blogs, including some of the newly arrived folks, that you'll enjoy reading. As for the Desert Periscope, I expect to end this particular journal when I return home. I'm still deciding whether to start another blog (and on what subject) or fade back into the void of cyberspace. Suggestions are welcome!

As a final note, during my 4 years at the Naval Academy, I had a tradition of playing Simon and Garfunkel's song "Homeward Bound" the day before I returned for leave. It's appropriate now as I begin my journey back to home and family, and I've got the mp3 playing as I conclude this post.

"Homeward bound
I wish I was
Homeward bound
Home, where my thoughts escaping
Home, where my musics playing
Home, where my love lies waiting
Silently for me"

Persona Non Grata

2007-02-03T22:58:00.001+03:00

One of the most common quotes I heard today was "Why are you still here?" Apparently after a grandiose ceremony this morning where my commander gave me an award and I made a nice little farewell speech, people are surprised to see me coming in the office occasionally. I did have a few final things to do, and am addicted to checking my work email just in case someone hasn't gotten the word that I've been replaced.

I did spend a good portion of the day waiting in line at the post office, having completed the second of the two categories of packing. I'm taking advantage of free postage from APO boxes to FPO boxes, sending a footlocker of stuff to one of my friends who is the Executive Officer on a ship in San Diego. (He was my roommate during my deployment two years ago, for those who remember those emails!) I'll be visiting there within a week of going home and can just pick it up then. It's all unimportant stuff, and saved me about $40 in shipping!

Originally I was supposed to fly out tomorrow, but that flight was cancelled. Fortunately for me, I expected that cancellation and have booked backup flights the next two days. So I'll hang out tomorrow with absolutely nothing to do. Well, except make the final packing decision on what to carry home and what to leave here in Iraq, to my replacement's benefit (although he'll have to put up with a roommate for one more day).

Getting Short

2007-02-03T00:06:00.000+03:00

You know you’re getting really short when people start saying their goodbyes “in case I don’t see you again”. And in fact, I am down to one final (long) meeting before all my duties here are done. Again, the farewell is bittersweet. I’m reluctant to leave an assignment with such great job satisfaction, but boy am I excited to be going home to my family again.

I’m working through all the various checklists of things I need to do, to make my transfer smooth and keep me busy, and am organizing my things into four groups: turn in to the Army, mail home, carry home, and abandon in place. So far I’ve got part 1 packed, and need to get working on the others.

Right Seat/Left Seat

2007-02-01T17:07:00.001+03:00

In the standard Army Relief In Place/Transfer Of Authority (RIP/TOA) process, they generally refer to two phases, "Right Seat" and "Left Seat" rides. The analogy would be driving training. You spend the first portion of the turnover process in the right seat, observing the more experienced person in the left (driver's) seat. Then, about halfway through, you switch places. The new person takes over in the left seat, with the more experienced person available in the right seat for some last-minute mentoring before departing.

I'm about halfway through my own turnover process with my replacement, and we executed our equivalent of the Right Seat/Left Seat swap today, as we moved files back and forth between our computer systems and he took over my desk (and my seat). I'm now relegated to "guest" status in my own office, and have to reluctantly sit back and let him take charge of what was, up until now, my job. Daily routines really get drilled into you over here (the only sane way to pass the time) so it takes a real mental effort to step back away from them. But time marches inevitably forward, and it's time to let someone else have the fun and immense job satisfaction that I've had for nearly a year.

Airing My Dirty Laundry

2007-01-31T21:26:00.001+03:00

No, I'm not about to disclose any dirty secrets, or whatever the subject line is supposed to mean. It's meant more literally.

This week is a series of lasts, and today was my last chance to turn in my laundry, which is collected between 9 and 9:50am on certain mornings. Except that this morning, for some inexplicable reason, they decided to collect it at 8:50am. So when I went to drop off my dirty duds shortly after 9, I had missed the deadline. So I now have an increasing pile of dirty clothes to carry around with me to Kuwait.

But even if I never had the chance to launder anything again until I got home, I think I'd still be happy. Now that my return is a virtual certainty, it's very hard to disappoint me with anything. Even very bad internet connectivity and a very busy schedule as I turn over with my replacement (poor excuse for lack of a post yesterday, I know.)

Grin and Grip

2007-01-29T21:51:00.001+03:00

Every time my officer in charge sent out an update of the schedule showing who would go home when, it was accompanied by a caveat, "Subject to immediate and violent change without notice," as well as a warning not to be too excited about going home until you were shaking hands with your relief.

I haven't quite made that handshake yet, but my replacement is on an airplane as we speak, and before the night is out, I expect to be making that important handshake that really locks in the certainty of my imminent return home. I am, of course, in a great mood and looking forward to a busy week of turning things over to him, as well as packing my bags. Soon... so very soon.

Thoughts on the Surge

2007-01-28T21:47:00.001+03:00

As I digest what will hopefully be my last Sunday dinner in Iraq, I figure I should answer the few of you who have been asking me what I thought of the latest surge plan. I'll start out with a few disclaimers. First, I have no special inside knowledge into what's going on here. I'm basing my opinion largely on what I read in news reports. Second, I'm not an expert, and my opinion is just that, an opinion. It's probably wrong, and many people much smarter than I are working the problem. Third, as an active duty member of the military, I've sworn an oath to obey the orders of my Commander in Chief and I will continue doing so.

Now, a few thoughts about the current plan:

The U.S. Military can be expected to succeed at any particular task assigned to it. Specifically, the 20,000 extra troops sent to secure areas of Baghdad can be expected to complete that mission successfully. Personally, however, I don't know what that will get us. Will it buy us time to proceed with more reconstruction? Create jobs? Make life better for the moment? Yes. But that improvement will only last as long as we stay, and I don't foresee our country collectively having the stomach to stick it out as long as it takes. And any gains we make will be undone when we leave unless the Iraqi government steps up.
In light of the above point, it is good to note that this is not a military war. It is a political one. Iraq, and the insurgents, have very little organized military power. Unfortunately, the media and anti-war politicians are helping the insurgents get their message out by wavering in their support and encouraging opposing forces to continue attacking. In particular, the current move in Congress to pass resolutions opposing the President are a horribly bad idea.
The Government of Iraq is more disfunctional than the U.S. Congress. And they aren't getting any better, and won't, until they are in extremis. The surge will do nothing to put more pressure on the Iraqi government.
General Petraeus, who was just confirmed as the top General here, is the Army's counter insurgency expert. If anybody knows how to succeed here, he does. He should be given a chance to implement his doctrine. I think we'll know by mid-Summer whether we're having any success.
The Iraqi Army is slowly growing and slowly getting better. You can't build an army overnight. You can't rush the process. Yes, there are deep problems with it, but the media highlights the few exceptions to the generally good news coming out of the transition teams.
The Iraqi culture is utterly different than our own. If it turns out that this policy fails, it is not a failure of the US, but rather a choice of the Iraqis: in particular, their government. If they choose to perpetuate their culture of violence and sectarian divisions, there's not much we can do to help them, and we need to back away and let them figure it out for themselves.

Technical Difficulties

2007-01-27T19:24:00.001+03:00

Those of you looking for a post yesterday were, obviously, disappointed by the lack thereof. The dish I share with a bunch of other people went down (and still is down) so I've got limited ability to post updates. Compounding that, apparently Yahoo Groups, which distributes the mailing list, apparently had some sort of database crash two days ago and is backlogged delivering the old messages. Fortunately, I'm down to single digits for days in Iraq dealing with these issues.

I have truly procrastinated as long as I can in cleaning my room for my relief's arrival. I'll spend the good portion of my day off tomorrow doing that. Or perhaps even tonight if I can't log on to the internet! Perhaps the outage is a message from above!

Contact!

2007-01-26T00:50:00.000+03:00

Every time the phone rings these days and I hear that it’s a call from my boss, or our unit’s headquarters, I’m always paranoid that it will be someone informing me that something happened to my relief, and that I should plan on hanging around another month. I’m not sure if that’s pessimism or cynicism, or really what the difference is between the two. I guess I’ve just gotten used to surprising news regarding this deployment and I’m still trying not to celebrate too much until everything is really certain.

Fortunately for me, the contact from headquarters today was from my relief! Lots of simple questions that I was more than happy to answer, but more importantly, evidence that I’m still on track to make my way homeward. It’s hard to stop me from smiling these days. Other than that highlight, I kept busy doing important things, with a small cleaning break, but I’m still procrastinating the major cleaning until this weekend. Literally the last minute, as I’m hoping my relief will show up on Monday.

So close I can taste it

2007-01-25T00:09:00.000+03:00

I mentioned in a previous post that the menu at the DFAC rotates on a 20-day cycle. I realized today that I have less than 20 days left of eating Army food! That brings a whole new meaning to experiencing the same meals I’ve had for nearly 300 days previous. I can look at that glob of noodles and tomato sauce I had for lunch that they claim is lasagna, and savor it as the last time I’ll have to eat it! Or at dinner, hope that this is the last T-bone steak that I will attempt (unsuccessfully) to cut with a plastic knife. Mmm. I’m already coming up with the list of restaurants I want to visit after returning to the real world.

I’ve continued to procrastinate preparing for my relief’s arrival, but time is running short, so I really should get focused on that soon. With luck, I’ll also be able to sell him the TV and some other comfort Items I’ve picked up to make my stay here more comfortable. And he won’t make me reassemble the bunk bed I took apart. There are some advantages to turning a room directly over to someone instead of having to vacate it and get it inspected.

Acting Presidential

2007-01-23T21:36:00.000+03:00

It's interesting how much politics is in the news these days, a few weeks after the new Congress has convened and years before the next Presidential election. I've lost track of the number of candidates who have declared that they have formed exploratory committees. Actually, I saw a brief segment on a news show which told how to get the form declaring such to the Federal Election Commission. It's free (the news show said it cost a 39 cent stamp, but mail's free from over here!) I'm debating sending the form in so that I can run for President. I wonder how many votes I could get...

The other Presidential thing in the news is tomorrow's State of the Union address. It'll be 5 in the morning here when it's broadcast, so I don't think I'll watch it live, but I feel a constitutional duty to catch one of the many replays tomorrow. Supposedly he's going to talk mostly about domestic policies rather than the war. And given my relocation in only a couple weeks' time, I'm in the mood to think domestically as well.

Light at the end of the tunnel or oncoming train?

2007-01-23T00:53:00.000+03:00

Time always seems to go faster when deadlines are approaching, and this week is no exception. I have among the best deadlines possible... getting work done to get ready to go home! And, of course, I'm running out of time to do it. I'm working later than I have in a while (on an unrelated upsurge in things to do) and the need to start packing and cleaning and moving things is barreling down unmercifully.

At least I don't have TV to distract me. The AFN signal has been out at my trailer for the last two days. I'm not sure who I need to contact to fix it. But I better get it back up in time for this week's American Idol episodes!

Quid Pro Quo

2007-01-21T23:34:00.000+03:00

Today was a relaxing day, although I spent most of the evening tutoring one of the soldiers in my office in his Algebra course. Remember "completing the square"? Or the quadratic formula? I had to bang it into his head, but I think he finally got it.

I've been helping him out for several weeks, now, and he was asking the other day about getting me a gift certificate or something as way of thanks. I insisted he not spend any money, as it was my job to teach, but today I figured out a great way for him to pay me back. Turns out as my fellow sailors are checking out in Kuwait, they're running into problems turning their weapons in clean enough. And since the only thing most of us know about cleaning an M-16 was learned almost a year ago and we've had little practice since, they're getting them rejected. So I told the soldier to help me clean my weapons when I get ready to go home, and we'd call it even. It's a good trade of expert skills to help each other.

Yet Another Blogger

2007-01-20T23:59:00.000+03:00

I decided to spend a little quality time with Google and uncovered another blogger with JCCS-1. Like a significant number of our officers, he appears to be a pilot with a call sign of "Stimp." And according to his blog, My Desert Adventure, he likes to run a lot. At least he gets a lot of interesting blog entries from his (daily?) jaunts. Probably a lot more interesting than my updates on what TurboTax is telling me today.

Speaking of TurboTax, I realized today that my 5-year-old son has to file a tax return since his college fund yielded some nice (reinvested) dividends. At first I was annoyed at having to pay additional tax, but after crunching the numbers, it appears that since most of the amount was capital gains, which are taxed at a lower rate, including his income actually ended up saving us money! Go figure.

Anyway, I've added Stimp and Barbie's blogs to my blogroll link on the right! Go visit them and tell them how much you appreciate them being here. And know that I appreciate them (and all the incoming group) much more than any of you! Hah!

Lack of interest

2007-01-19T22:30:00.000+03:00

I spent a bit more time today finishing up my taxes, and had a frustrating realization. Apparently before I accounted for my pitiful amount of bank interest, I was in a lower category. But thanks to rounding in the tax tables, adding in $6.11 of interest from my checking account resulted in an additional $5 of tax. As if that 2% wasn't already pathetically small, the government gets most of it! Oh, well.

I was pleasantly surprised by a few tax credits I didn't know I would be getting. Apparently, thanks to the fact that only 3 months of my annual salary were taxed, I qualified to get a credit for a portion of my IRA contributions. And also, I'm apparently being refunded some amount from the phone company billing excise taxes or something for the past three years. More money! I better enjoy it while it lasts, since the new Congress plans on raising taxes on the rich, and I'm probably one of a large group of people that never knew they were rich until Congress told them.

Spring Cleaning

2007-01-18T17:52:00.000+03:00

As I've started work through the administrative checklists for heading homeward, I've realized one of the first things I need to do is make some room for a roommate. While most people over here have to share their third of a trailer with someone, I've been fortunate enough to be ranked high enough to get my own room, which I'll hand over to my replacement. We'll have to share it for a week or so during the turnover process, but that's a much better situation than the Army units who routinely move out of their quarters into tents for their turnover period. (Their philosophy is that they'll sleep on the ground if they're on their way home, and I would agree it's a great philosophy.)

In order to keep the side of the room I tend to stay on uncluttered, I've used the other side as a storage area. I'm debating whether to try to clear off the other side completely for my relief, or do the easier task of just moving out of the uncluttered side and moving myself. Or perhaps I could plan ahead and actually pack up a lot of my stuff over the next week instead of waiting until the last minute. What, me procrastinate?

Out with the old, in with the new

2007-01-17T17:23:00.000+03:00

Today was one of the more exciting days of my time here, as I finally got a name associated with a relief! That makes my imminent return home all the more probable. Like a well trained sailor, of course, I'm bracing myself for the (some would say inevitable) news that they've changed their mind. What's worse, if something happens now it won't just be a generic "we didn't have anyone" decision, but it would be getting personal. I'm remaining hopeful, of course, but they keep telling me not to truly celebrate until I'm shaking hands with my replacement so I'll keep my celebration muted. (And update my counter with a more accurate return date.)

Speaking of new people coming over, another member of JCCS-1 has joined the blogging crowd. The author of The One Wire is an F/A-18 pilot, cut from the same tough-guy mold as your favorite characters in Top Gun. Except his call sign isn't nearly as cool as "Maverick" or "Ice Man." He's... get this... "Barbie." I suppose he must have a sense of humor to admit it. Be sure to check out his blog and add it to your daily reads! His counter was at 2 when I stopped by this morning, so he needs an audience!

Tax Time

2007-01-17T00:56:00.000+03:00

One good thing about technology is that many things have moved online. That includes not only filing taxes, but getting tax statements. I’ve spent a little time over the last week collecting electronic copies of everything I need to file my taxes, which I do with TurboTax. I’ve got just about everything I need, with one exception. My bank, with the few pennies I’ve earned in interest, won’t give me the tax data until they put out the monthly statement next week. It’s mildly annoying especially when I’m expecting a rather large refund (I only have 3 months of income for tax purposes, thanks to the Combat Zone entitlement.)

Hopefully I’ll be able to get the taxes filed in a week or so, so that my refund arrives about the same time I get home. And I’ll promptly use it to buy a car since my wife saw fit to sell mine when I left.

Old Friends

2007-01-16T00:42:00.000+03:00

Not much of interest happened today. While it’s a federal holiday back in the states, it was a workday just like any other Monday in Iraq. I wonder, when I get home, if I can claim comp time for all the holidays that I worked…

I did have the opportunity on for totally separate and unrelated issues today to chat (either by phone or email) with some old friends… old being a relative term. I’ll say people I served with in Balad. It was nice talking about the “good old days” when we had our whole tour in front of us and the excitement of all the things we were going to do to change the world. As we draw closer to the end we’re all working on making sure the people replacing us will have a solid foundation to stand on, but looking ahead is mostly looking homeward.

Extend and Rotate

2007-01-15T00:14:00.000+03:00

The words in the subject line normally apply to stretching and twisting in preparation for PT, but they’re generally applicable to a lot of folks around here. On the “extend” portion, some of the guys on base, who were getting ready to go home in a month or two, just found out they got extended as part of the President’s “surge” plan. Amazingly, they seem to be taking it rather well. Part of it is because they are National Guard troops and will pick up an extra $1000/month bonus for the extension.

While they got the bad news, there are a lot of other people rotating out, and they are obviously happy to be going home. I’m happy for them, of course, and looking forward to being in exactly that position in not very much more time.

Poor visibility

2007-01-14T01:51:00.000+03:00

I’ve mentioned in previous posts about how the rain turns the plentiful sand around here into sticky mud. One big problem of all that mud is that the vehicles track it everywhere and it splatters the sides of vehicles. Our unit’s bus, for example, that we ride to and from the dining facility, is so caked with mud that you can’t even see out the windows. It really looks like a nice smooth coat of tan-colored spray paint all over the outside. The front window is kept clean, of course, but the rest of the bus is rather dark.

I’ve seen people driving their Gators (golf-cart like things) with obscured windshields, sticking their heads out the side like dogs to see where they are going. Amusing, if not completely safe. Fortunately for me, I walk pretty much everywhere I go (except for the bus ride to chow) so I don’t have to deal with it.

Despite the few days of rain we’ve had, we’re still well below average for the season. Perhaps it’s global warming?

Payday

2007-01-13T00:37:00.000+03:00

I had been remarking to someone at lunch today how Monday would be Payday. Not that I’m waiting on more money to spend, it’s just one more way of marking time. I realized later that we actually got paid today (Friday) since Monday is a federal holiday. Not that we’ll get the day off or anything, of course. It will be just another Monday for us.

Speaking of marking time with paydays, this was a really good one! If all works according to plan, this should be my last payday in Iraq! The bad news is, the difference in my paycheck from the last one of 2006 is paltry. I never realized just how low that 2.2% pay raise was until I see the numbers coming in much as they were before. Oh, well. At least when I get home and start having taxes withheld again, I’ll have another exemption which should improve things.

Got Net?

2007-01-12T00:53:00.000+03:00

When I first arrived at Al Asad, my only internet options were at my desk at work, with a highly restrictive firewall, or a long hike to wait in line at the Morale, Welfare, and Recreation (MWR) building. Within a few weeks I managed to find a guy with a satellite dish and have enjoyed (at some expense, but worth it) a connection in my room since then.

This week, two new internet options became available. Another in-room option, with the same price but more restrictive bandwidth limits, officially sponsored by the base. And our unit just installed our own local MWR trailer a short walk from where I live, complete with phones and less restricted computers, for free! And much shorter lines, of course, than the big building. It's interesting how technology is spreading. It definitely makes keeping in touch with home easy. Too bad it's a bit too late for me to take full advantage of. But I'm not complaining, really.

Just another day

2007-01-11T00:37:00.000+03:00

Well, my birthday came and went without much fanfare. Just a day like any other. My wife has promised me a real celebration when I'm home, so I'm looking forward to that. I did get some lovely cards from Mom as well, and lots of email. I felt loved.

Speaking of mail, I don't think anyone's sending anything else. And that's good. Because it's starting to get close enough to my departure that anything you mail might not get here in time. Or it'll get here just in time for me to have to pack it up and bring it home with me. Now that's a nice thought.

Over the Hill

2007-01-10T00:30:00.000+03:00

A common answer around here when people start worrying about some project that’s behind schedule, or some report that is filed late, is, “What’s the worst thing that’s going to happen? They’ll send you to Iraq and take away your birthday?”

It’s just after midnight tonight, and I get to celebrate my birthday in this lovely location. Not just any birthday: I’m turning the big four-oh. Forty. Over the hill. The most immediate benefit for me will be an added 30 seconds of run time on my next physical fitness test! But for now, I’ll have to take the good wishes sent by email and the promises of a belated party when I return home. Which really won’t be much longer, now!

Rainy Days and Mondays always get me down

2007-01-08T23:40:00.000+03:00

A rainstorm blew in last night, hard enough to cause a little bit of leakage under my door and through cracks in my window. It was still raining in the morning, although not as hard as it had all night. This is the first storm we’ve had this year that didn’t blow through in an hour. Most of the rest of the day was overcast, dark, wet, and glum.

The worst part about rain here isn’t getting wet. It’s the sand… which is now acres and acres of sticky mud. The fine, talcum-powder consistency turns into a really sticky covering over very hard clay, and the ground doesn’t absorb the water after the first bit, so there are puddles everywhere. The only good thing about the mud that gets all over everything is that it eventually dries out and easily flakes off and breaks up into its powder-like consistency again. Fascinating, really.

Time Marches On

2007-01-07T23:55:00.000+03:00

In yet another installment of “how fast can time go?” I’ll note that I’m surprised that we’re already a week into the new year. I’m nervously anticipating definitive news one way or the other on my potential return home. The guys “in front of me” in line are starting their own process of heading homeward, and at this point it’s just keeping my fingers crossed that nothing goes wrong in the next couple of weeks.

Of all the things to be concerned about, of course, I guess worrying about being extended isn’t on the chart with some of the other things many people deal with out here. I especially feel for the troops who may or may not be participating in this surge that the President may or may not order. Whatever path lies ahead in Iraq, I hope it leads toward accomplishment of the mission.

Finally, my cousin informs me I’m still in it in another Bowl Game football pool I joined with him… it all hinges on the championship game. Go Buckeyes!

Bowled Over

2007-01-06T23:38:00.000+03:00

As the College Bowl Season draws to a close, I'm surprised how long I lasted in the pool I referred to in an earlier post, Bowl Game Game. Tonight's victory by Cincinnati knocks me out of the running. It was fun while it lasted!

Actually, I had put together a spreadsheet and listed several factors helping me decide who to pick (geek that I am) and one of the factors was the ranking in the AP Poll. Unfortunately, I made a small mistake when entering the rank for #3 Michigan, and put it in the column for Western Michigan, the underdog in today's International Bowl. Otherwise I would have picked the winner! Drat! Of course, on the bright side, if I had correctly ranked the real Michigan, I would have lost the Rose Bowl pick instead of accidentally winning with USC.

The other big bowl game on today was the Army's All American bowl. Looked like a big recruiting ad! Still, it was fun to watch.

I'm disappointed the Denver Broncos aren't in the postseason, but fortunately my 2nd choice team, the San Diego Chargers, are poised to go all the way to the Super Bowl. They have a bye this week, but it's never to early to say Go Bolts!

It was a dark and stormy night

2007-01-05T23:03:00.000+03:00

Leave it to me to comment a few days ago about sunny weather. I woke up this morning to cool rain, which morphed over the course of the day to a cold, biting wind in the late afternoon. Very chilly. Still nothing near those Colorado blizzards, but glad I have the comfort of my trailer and a working heater.

Big news back home as my son got his first pair of glasses. Turns out he’s quite a bit farsighted, and finally the squinting and letter confusion prompted a vision test. Amazing that they have the technology to figure out how the lens is shaped.

Work is the usual pre-weekend crunch, and I’m looking forward to a small break.

A great use for sonar

2007-01-04T22:22:00.000+03:00

I've been musing for a while trying to come up with an appropriate submarine-related term about ultrasounds. A periscope in the womb, perhaps? Or maybe "returned ping, target acquired!" Whatever the analogy, I marvel at the technology that allows us to peek at a child only six weeks after conception.

There he or she is, the latest submariner in my family. Already swimming around surrounded by water, getting used to the environment. And not scheduled to "surface" until August!

Sunny Days

2007-01-03T23:50:00.000+03:00

The days march on, and the last couple have been relatively warm. I’m wondering if the really cold weather of the last two weeks was just a taste of winter, or all of it if this warming trend continues. I guess the coming month will determine that theory one way or the other.

Work is the usual. A few long meetings. A few little brush fires to put out. A lot more administrative paperwork (electronic paperwork, if there’s such a thing) to do. But moving on day to day. I’m trying not to count the days too many times each day, but it seems to be something I do everytime I walk back to my trailer from work and knock another day off the list. At least the sunshine matches my improving mood.

In the groove

2007-01-02T23:27:00.000+03:00

One of my colleagues was remarking to me at lunch today how much more efficiently we’re doing business now than several months ago. It’s true that we’ve figured out a lot more about our jobs and made things run a bit more smoothly. In some cases, that gives us some more time off. In other cases, it gives us the ability to do more work. I tend to try to prefer the former when I can, but I don’t complain when I get something to fill my time.

One thing that does help time go by is maintaining a routine. That’s a good thing when you have a lot of time in front of you, but as I’m seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, I still haven’t started altering my routine and doing anything to prepare to leave. I’d like to think it’s because I like keeping my routine, but more accurately I’m just a procrastinator. Something tells me that once the time arrives to start packing my bags, I won’t have any trouble getting it all done in very short order.

Firsts and Lasts

2007-01-01T23:00:00.000+03:00

The new year has arrived, not so much with a bang as with a whimper. Other than the occasional “Happy New Year” comments exchanged here and there, it was much like any other day here.

While it’s the first day of a new year, it’s also a time that I can start counting lasts. Like the easy one: 2007 is the last year that I’ll be in Iraq. With a bit more caution, I can hope that January is the last full month I’ll spend here. And as I admire the moon getting bigger every night, I’m looking forward to seeing it full on Wednesday and counting it as my last full moon in Iraq. Indeed, I am starting to get excited about counting down the days. I’m trying to temper that with the knowledge that my return date is “subject to change without notice.” Everyone keep your fingers crossed!

Happy New Year!

2006-12-31T17:24:00.000+03:00

Well, the Meineke Car Care Bowl was a good, exciting football game. Unfortunately for me, my team was on the losing end of it at the end, but you can't beat the cinderella story of the walk-on place kicker winning the game for Boston College. Now it's time to fully devote my energies to cheering the Denver Broncos into the playoffs tomorrow.

As a final look back before the New Year starts, I just have to repeat a comment that "Andrea in California" made on my Retrospective post two days ago. Poetic words.

"When you return home your footprints in the sand will disappear quickly, but what you will have left behind will have made life better for many..."

Thanks, Andrea, and thanks to everyone who has commented throughout the year. Hopefully you'll only have one more month to follow along this desert odyssey.

Happy New Year!

Winding Down

2006-12-30T17:25:00.000+03:00

It's hard to believe it's almost 2007. We had our last staff meeting of 2006 today. People are generally in good spirits as we enter the new year, and I'm trying to temper my own enthusiasm as I start, hopefully, a month of "lasts" in Iraq.

The talk around the place today is, of course, everyone's reaction to Saddam's execution. Nobody is really celebratory about it. Most recognize it as a significant event in our lives, but I'm not sure we've all had time to really think about what it means. Like many things that happen here, I'm sure their significance will be much clearer after several more years of history show the impact of them.

I'll be taking the usual half-day off for New Year's Eve, and celebrating a little bit with friends (without the usual champagne, of course). That'll be good for tomorrow. Tonight, I'll be able to watch the Meineke Car Care Bowl live. Go Navy!

Retrospective

2006-12-29T18:33:00.000+03:00

In hindsight, I probably should not have complained about the cold weather in yesterday's post, since my mother and lots of other family members are digging out from the second snowstorm in a week in Colorado. I certainly have nothing to complain about compared to them! It's more the contrast I was noticing between 120-degree Summer days and 12-degree Winter nights that was interesting.

Speaking of hindsight, as the year draws to a close, it's appropriate to think back this year to what I've accomplished. And while I've spent 9 months of 2006 deployed and sometimes feel a bit useless in my day-to-day staff duties, I was reading our commander's letter on the JCCS-1 webpage and was reminded just how important our group, in the aggregate, has been:

"Although I can’t talk about the details, the heroics they perform each and every day never cease to amaze me. The Commanding General of Multi-National Forces-Iraq, General Casey, told our Secretary of the Navy that JCCS-1 was the greatest force multiplier in the Iraqi Theater of Operations. The Commanding General of Multi-National Corps-Iraq, Lieutenant General Chiarelli, told his soldiers that our command was responsible for saving more lives than any other command in Operation IRAQI FREEDOM. All I can add to that tremendous support is that it has been the most personally rewarding tour of my military career and my great pleasure to have served with each and every member of this team."

I have to share my commander's assessment that my time here has been the most personally rewarding of my entire Navy career. You just can't beat the job satisfaction of "saving more lives than any other command."

Not that I'd want to spend all of 2007 doing the same job. It's time to let someone else have that job satisfaction!

Subzero

2006-12-28T23:31:00.000+03:00

It’s down right chilly outside right now. I think Iraq uses the Celsius scale, so I would be correct if I said the temperatures were subzero. They’re actually in the upper teens on the Fahrenheit scale, but down to single digits with wind chill (and we get a lot of wind here).

The Christmas holiday sure did help time fly by. It seems I just blinked and another week has passed. I’m hoping a similar thing will happen for the New Year. There are a few celebrations planned, and it will be nice to start looking at dates with a year in which I’m going to return home. And have another child. And start a job search. Yikes…. Lots is coming up in 2007, and I barely remember what I did in 2006. While I’m enjoying the rapid pace of time as I get through this deployment, it would be really nice to slow down once I get back home, so I can enjoy a lot more. I guess that will be one of my resolutions for the new year.

I’m enjoying both the college and pro football seasons as they draw to a close. My picks for the Bowl Games aren’t doing to well, especially after UCLA’s loss yesterday, but at least the Broncos have a really strong shot at making the playoffs. And of course Navy will play in the Meineke Bowl on Saturday, and I hope that will be an exciting game. I’ll even try to get some of my Army friends to cheer for the only service academy in a bowl game. (Some of them are still sore over their loss earlier, so it’s tough.) Go Navy! Go Broncos!

If you don't like the weather, wait ten minutes

2006-12-27T23:38:00.000+03:00

It only took a week of being officially winter before the weather decided to catch up to the correct season. The nights have started to get really cold, just a few degrees above freezing. It’s nice to have a heater in my room to keep me comfortably warm.

It also rained yesterday… on and off for about ten minutes over the span of an hour. It truly was a demonstration of the old adage about not liking the weather and waiting for it to change. I walked in to the barber shop to get a haircut and the sun was out. I stepped out into a thunderstorm. By the time I walked to work, five minutes away, the rain had stopped.

I’m told we don’t get that much rain in Al Asad… normally only two inches per year, compared to over thirty in Baghdad and other places east of us. That’s fine with me, since the rain mostly just turns the dusty soil here into a sticky muck that gets over everything. It’s much easier to clean up the dry dust that gets over everything.

Wit and Wisdom - From the Military Manual

2006-12-26T23:59:00.000+03:00

Back to some interesting and amusing quotations, thanks to one of my readers:

"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit." - Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.

"Aim towards the Enemy.." - Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher

"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend. - U.S. Marine Corps

"Cluster bombing from B-52s are very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground." - USAF Ammo Troop

"If the enemy is in range, so are you." - Infantry Journal

"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed." - U.S. Air Force Manual

"Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons." - General Macarthur

"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo." - Infantry Journal

"You, you, and you ... Panic. The rest of you, come with me." - U.S. Marine Corps Gunnery Sgt.

"Tracers work both ways." - U.S. Army Ordnance

"Five second fuses only last three seconds." - Infantry Journal

"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid." - David Hackworth

"If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush." - Infantry Journal

"No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection." - Joe Gay

"Any ship can be a minesweeper. Once."

"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do." - Unknown Marine Recruit

"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you." - Your Buddies

"If you see a bomb technician running, follow him." - USAF Ammo Troop

"Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death , I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing." - At the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena , Japan

"You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3." - Paul F. Crickmore (test pilot)

"The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire."

"Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean than submarines in the sky." - >From an old carrier sailor

"If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe."

"When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash."

"Without ammunition, the USAF would be just another expensive flying club."

"What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up, .... The pilot dies."

"Never trade luck for skill."

The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are:

"Why is it doing that?", "Where are we?" And "Oh S...!"

"Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers."

"Progress in airline flying: now a flight attendant can get a pilot pregnant."

"Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight."

"A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck; three in a row is prevarication."

"I remember when sex was safe and flying was dangerous."

"Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!"

"Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the purpose of storing dead batteries."

"Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it."

"The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you." - Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot)

"A pilot who doesn't have any fear probably isn't flying his plane to its maximum." - Jon McBride, astronaut

"If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the crash as possible." - Bob Hoover (renowned aerobatic and test pilot)

"Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you."

"There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime." - Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970

"If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to."

Basic Flying Rules: "Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there."

"You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal."

As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives, the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks "What happened?". The pilot's reply:

"I don't know, I just got here myself!" - Attributed to Ray Crandell (Lockheed test pilot)

The. Best. Christmas. Gift. Ever.

2006-12-25T14:39:00.000+03:00

It's a wonderfully sunny and cheerful Christmas Day in Iraq.

The morning started out with a wonderful surprise, as the post office made a Christmas delivery! Amazingly, a box shipped only six days ago from California reached me on Christmas Day. I think the Post Office was working extra hard to make holiday deliveries out here to the sandbox, and it was much appreciated (as were the contents of the boxes!)

I opened my gifts this morning along with the soldiers who work in my office, and then we shared a glorious Christmas dinner complete with just about any traditional dish you wanted. Turkey, prime rib, shrimp, king crab legs, potatoes, corn, stuffing, cranberry sauce, pumpkin pie, and a giant Santa cake (20 feet long), and other very festively decorated desserts, among things I saw. Oh, and the sparkling white grape juice. I'm sure there was more. If I had to be away from family today, this was a nice second best.

And speaking of my family, I got Christmas Eve news from my wife of a wonderfully special gift that will be "delivered" next July or August. To say I'm thrilled is an understatement. This has got to be The Best Christmas Gift Ever.

A Different Christmas Poem

2006-12-24T23:47:00.000+03:00

Merry Christmas!

The clock's about to tick to midnight, and according to Norad's Tracking the big guy is right overhead. Truth is, I already saw him walking around the base posing for photos with soldiers and marines. Not sure how he did that while he was supposed to be delivering toys to China. Must not have had that many chimneys to slide down there.

I just came from a wonderful candlelight service at the chapel. It was packed... felt quite different singing Christmas carols surrounded by a couple hundred soldiers. But it still put me in the right frame of mind for a short while.

Early this month, a friend forwarded me a poem that I'll pass on to you this Christmas. Please think of all those serving their country away from their families today.

A Different Christmas Poem

The embers glowed softly, and in their dim light,
I gazed round the room and I cherished the sight.
My wife was asleep, her head on my chest,
My daughter beside me, angelic in rest.
Outside the snow fell, a blanket of white,
Transforming the yard to a winter delight.
The sparkling lights in the tree I believe,
Completed the magic that was Christmas Eve.
My eyelids were heavy, my breathing was deep,
Secure and surrounded by love I would sleep.
In perfect contentment, or so it would seem,
So I slumbered, perhaps I started to dream.

The sound wasn't loud, and it wasn't too near,
But I opened my eyes when it tickled my ear.
Perhaps just a cough, I didn't quite know,
Then the sure sound of footsteps outside in the snow.
My soul gave a tremble, I struggled to hear,
And I crept to the door just to see who was near.
Standing out in the cold and the dark of the night,
A lone figure stood, his face weary and tight.

A soldier, I puzzled, some twenty years old,
Perhaps a Marine, huddled here in the cold.
Alone in the dark, he looked up and smiled,
Standing watch over me, and my wife and my child.
"What are you doing?" I asked without fear,
"Come in this moment, it's freezing out here!
Put down your pack, brush the snow from your sleeve,
You should be at home on a cold Christmas Eve!"

For barely a moment I saw his eyes shift,
Away from the cold and the snow blown in drifts
To the window that danced with a warm fire's light
Then he sighed and he said "Its really all right,
I'm out here by choice. I'm here every night.
It's my duty to stand at the front of the line,
That separates you from the darkest of times.
No one had to ask or beg or implore me,
I'm proud to stand here like my fathers before me.
My Gramps died at 'Pearl on a day in December,"
Then he sighed, "That's a Christmas 'Gram always remembers."
My dad stood his watch in the jungles of 'Nam',
And now it is my turn and so, here I am.
I've not seen my own son in more than a while,
But my wife sends me pictures, he's sure got her smile."

Then he bent and he carefully pulled from his bag,
The red, white, and blue... an American flag.
"I can live through the cold and the being alone,
Away from my family, my house and my home.
I can stand at my post through the rain and the sleet,
I can sleep in a foxhole with little to eat.
I can carry the weight of killing another,
Or lay down my life with my sister and brother
Who stand at the front against any and all,
To ensure for all time that this flag will not fall."

"So go back inside," he said, "harbor no fright,
Your family is waiting and I'll be all right."
"But isn't there something I can do, at the least?
Give you money," I asked, "or prepare you a feast?
It seems all too little for all that you've done,
For being away from your wife and your son."
Then his eye welled a tear that held no regret,
"Just tell us you love us, and never forget.
To fight for our rights back at home while we're gone,
To stand your own watch, no matter how long.
For when we come home, either standing or dead,
To know you remember we fought and we bled.
Is payment enough, and with that we will trust,
That we mattered to you as you mattered to us."

LCDR Jeff Giles, SC, USN
30th Naval Construction Regiment
OIC, Logistics Cell One

Gift Wrapping 101 (For Men)

2006-12-23T16:37:00.000+03:00

It’s almost Christmas! I can hardly wait! I’m being good and leaving the wrapped gifts under (more accurately, all around) my little tree, and I’ll be getting together with my office-mates on Christmas morning to open them together with their gifts from home.

Speaking of wrapped gifts, I’ve seen the below story before (probably every year for the past several) but can’t resist sharing it!

This is the time of year when we think back to the very first Christmas, when the Three Wise Men -- Gaspar, Balthazar, and Herb -- went to see the baby Jesus and, according to the Book of Matthew, "presented unto Him gifts; gold, frankincense, and myrrh."
These are simple words, but if we analyze them carefully, we discover an important, yet often overlooked, theological fact: there is no mention of wrapping paper.
If there had been wrapping paper, Matthew would have said so: "And Lo, the gifts were inside 600 square cubits of paper. And the paper was festooned with pictures of Frosty the Snowman. And Joseph was going to throweth it away, but Mary saideth unto him, she saideth, 'Holdeth it! That is nice paper! Saveth it for next year!' And Joseph did rolleth his eyeballs.
And the baby Jesus was more interested in the paper than the frankincense."
But these words do not appear in the Bible, which means that the very first Christmas gifts were NOT wrapped. This is because the people giving those gifts had two important characteristics:

They were wise.
They were men.
Men are not big gift wrappers. Men do not understand the point of putting paper on a gift just so somebody else can tear it off. This is not just my opinion, this is a scientific fact based on a statistical survey of two guys I know. One is Rob, who said the only time he ever wraps a gift is "if it's such a poor gift that I don't want to be there when the person opens it." The other is Gene, who told me he does wrap gifts, but as a matter of principle never takes more than 15 seconds per gift. "No one ever had to wonder which presents daddy wrapped at Christmas," Gene said.
"They were the ones that looked like enormous spitballs."
I also wrap gifts, but because of some defect in my motor skills, I can never completely wrap them. I can take a gift the size of a deck of cards and put it the exact center of a piece of wrapping paper the size of a regulation volleyball court, but when I am done folding and taping, you can still see a sector of the gift peeking out. (Sometimes I camouflage this sector with a marking pen.) If I had been an ancient Egyptian in the field of mummies, the lower half of the Pharaoh's body would be covered only by Scotch tape.
On the other hand, if you give my wife a 12-inch square of wrapping paper, she can wrap a C-130 cargo plane. My wife, like many women, actually likes wrapping things. If she gives you a gift that requires batteries, she wraps the batteries separately, which to me is very close to being a symptom of mental illness. If it were possible, my wife would wrap each individual volt.
My point is that gift-wrapping is one of those skills like having babies that come more naturally to women than to men. That is why today I am presenting:
Gift Wrapping Tips for Men:

Whenever possible, buy gifts that are already wrapped. If, when the recipient opens the gift, neither one of you recognizes it, you can claim that it's myrrh.
The editors of Woman's Day magazine recently ran an item on how to make your own wrapping paper by printing a design on it with an apple sliced in half horizontally and dipped in a mixture of food coloring and liquid starch.
They must be smoking crack.
If you're giving a hard-to-wrap gift, skip the wrapping paper! Just put it inside a bag and stick one of those little adhesive bows on it. This creates a festive visual effect that is sure to delight the lucky recipient on Christmas morning:
YOUR WIFE: Why is there a Hefty trash bag under the tree?
YOU: It's a gift! See? It has a bow!
YOUR WIFE (peering into the trash bag): It's a leaf blower.
YOU: Gas-powered! Five horsepower!
YOUR WIFE: I want a divorce.
YOU: I also got you some myrrh.
In conclusion, remember that the important thing is not what you give, or how you wrap it. The important thing, during this very special time of year, is that you save the receipt.
Author Unknown (...but definitely male...)

I'm dreaming of a wet Christmas

2006-12-22T23:28:00.000+03:00

The days are ticking by as Christmas closes in. Today I got wonderful news from the mail room. Not one, not two, but three packages (and a Christmas card as a bonus) were delivered to me. I feel so loved! Many of the gifts were wrapped so I’ve stuck them under my tree to open in a few days. I’m excited! It’s almost like being home!

There’s about zero chance I’ll get a white Christmas out here, unlike my family in Colorado. But it did rain a little today, so I could conceivably have a wet Christmas. Personally, I’d be content to have it dry and brown.

Many thanks to everyone who’s sending me e-mailed Christmas greetings as well. I truly feel appreciated.

Winter Wonderland

2006-12-21T23:52:00.000+03:00

In a little over four hours, the Winter Solstice will mark the passing of another season. Having spent most of Spring, and all of Summer and Fall deployed, I'm looking forward to Winter because I have high hopes of returning home before the end of this season. (Really high hopes if you've checked my counter lately.) I'm still trying to stay prepared for the inevitable bad news of a delay (this year's seemed to be a never ending string of bad luck) but at the same time stay hopeful and prepared to resume a normal life.

After lots of Christmas packages arriving around last weekend, it's been a few days with no mail. I'm guessing there will be one more big delivery before Christmas and I'm hoping to see another package or two in it.

While the holiday should make a three day weekend, we are unfortunately having to do a bit more extra work this weekend thanks to some VIPs who want to come visit us and show how much they care. Oh, the irony.

Happy Winter, everyone!

Dear Soldier

2006-12-20T18:58:00.001+03:00

"Any Soldier" Christmas letters can be wonderful. I quote:

Dear Soldier of the USA,
My name is Jacob. I live in the state of Oregon. It is peaceful here because of you. We all bless you and hope that you will have a good life. I hope we will have a good world to live in. I always wanted to help the troops in Iraq, but my mom says I have saved them by wanting to help them.
Jacob

A Politically Correct Night Before Christmas

2006-12-19T22:16:00.000+03:00

'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's politically correct?

His workers no longer would answer to "Elves".
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.

And labor conditions up at the north pole
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.

Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.

And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.

So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!

The runners were taken from under his sleigh;
The ruts were unsafe said the Fed E.P.A.

And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard all those noises upon their roof-tops.

Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened."

And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing for the use of his nose.

And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,
Demanding millions in claimed compensation.

So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,

Joined a feminist group, and left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on her title was Ms.

And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion
That making a choice could cause such commotion.

Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.

Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot.

Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys.

Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacifistic.

No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth,
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.

And fairy tales, while not yet entirely forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.

For they raised the hackles of those psychological,
Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.

No baseball, no football... the kids could get hurt;
Besides, playing sports exposed them to the dirt.

Dolls would be sexist, and should be passe;
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.

So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next.

He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
(you've got to be careful with that word today).

His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing acceptable was to be found.

Something special was needed, a gift in the night,
That wouldn't anger the left or the right.

A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion;

Every ethnicity, every hue,
Everyone, everywhere...even you.

So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth...
"May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth."

Santa's keeping busy

2006-12-18T20:19:00.001+03:00

It's feeling really Christmassy here today, as I got not one, not two, but THREE packages in the mail! I feel loved!

Many of the packages contained wrapped packages, which I've stuck under my 2-foot tall Christmas tree. Unfortunately, I peeked at the customs declaration so I have some idea what they are. But I'll save some suprise for Christmas morning.

Speaking of surprsie, I'm watching the Survivor season finale right now... the marathon fire making session! I'm sure you already know the winner. I'll know soon enough!

Star of Wonder, Star of Light

2006-12-17T18:07:00.000+03:00

I mentioned yesterday how dark it was getting. That does have its benefits, as I noted last night, stumbling along and trying not to trip. I looked up, and saw, without the interference of light pollution, an absolutely beautiful night sky full of stars.

An early Christmas gift (thanks mom!) reminded me that I'm quite close to Babylon, where a little over two thousand years ago, a trio of magi were also studying the night sky, also without the benefit of light pollution. Planetary conjunctions probably prompted them to make their long journey to Bethlehem, a little bit west of here. This site describes what I believe was most likely the star they followed.

So while I'm going to be spending this Christmas season away from my family in a lonely desert place, it's a unique privelege to be so near to Bethlehem, the site of Jesus' birth. And if the three wise men followed Abraham's route from Babylon to Jerusalem, it's very likely they passed through Al Asad on their way.

Ten Grand

2006-12-17T17:23:00.000+03:00

I started this blog primarily as a convenient way to let friends and family know what I was doing in Iraq. I'm surprised and humbled that many more people have stumbled onto this journal and make it part of their daily reading.

My counter just went over 10,000 visits, and average of 40 per day since I started posting. Thank you all for your interest! Your suggestions on what (if anything) I should blog about after I get home are welcome.

Speaking of counters, I've made a small adjustment to my "time to go" counter on the top of the blog, inching it downward. Odds are I'll get to leave before my full year is up (yay!). How much before is still in question so I'm not going to lower it too much just yet. I'll keep it as a "worst case" estimate.

In the Dark

2006-12-16T15:18:00.000+03:00

I don't usually pay that much attention to the phases of the moon when I'm back home, with plenty of light around. But around here, knowing whether to be prepared with a flashlight makes the difference between getting where you're going quickly and stumbling around in the dark, tripping over lots of things on the way.

The moon is nearing its new phase, close enough that it is pitch black from sunset to sunrise. The weatherguessers say 30 percent illumination, which is just plain dark. In the coming few days it will be what they call "darker than dark." And since we are approaching the winter solstice, these are going to be some of the longest dark nights of the year.

Speaking of our fine meteoroligists, they predicted two full days of rain this weekend. I did wake up this morning to a lovely light sprinkle, but so far the rest of the day has been overcast and generally blah. And actually warmer than it seems to be on clear, dark nights, since I guess the clouds hold some of the heat in. No complaints here, although the overcast doesn't do much to lighten my dark mood.

Why the dark mood? The fact that some guys from our group are headed homeward now. I should be happy for them (and I am, really, on some level) but part of me knows that I would have been in that group if I hadn't had to switch jobs, so it's mildly frustrating. I keep trying to comfort myself by adding up the extra money I'm making by sticking around a few more months. And really, anything shorter than the full year I came over here prepared to serve is supposed to be a good deal.

As a final tribute to the subject line (and Lemony Snicket's last book, for those in the know), I'll note that all of us are in the dark about holiday visitors to our base. You're probably aware of the habit of senior administration officials to drop in around the holidays, and of course we rarely know they're here until they're already here. Sometimes (like the latest Rumsfeld drive-by) even after they're already gone. So as Christmas approaches, we all look forward to some surprises.

The Hokey Pokey (as it might have been written by Shakespeare)

2006-12-15T15:14:00.000+03:00

O proud left foot, that ventures quick within.
Then soon upon a backward journey lithe.
Anon, once more the gesture, then begin
Command sinistral pedestal to writhe.
Commence thou then the fervid Hokey-Pokey,
A mad gyration, hips in wanton swirl.
To spin! A wilde release from Heaven's yoke.
Blessed dervish! Surely thou canst go, girl.
The Hoke, the poke -- banish now thy doubt.
Verily, I say, 'tis what it's all about.

Bowl Game Game

2006-12-14T13:49:00.000+03:00

Are you a College Football fan? Do you not care much about College Football but love to gamble? Or, perhaps, are you just looking for an interesting way to make the Bowl Game season a bit more interesting and exciting?

Last year I was invited to join Bowl Game Game, a family pool in which you get to pick the winners of the 32 bowl games and rank them according to your confidence in the outcome. That's it! It's that easy! I knew absolutely nothing about most of the teams involved, threw together some picks, and ended up placing second out of 328 players. That's a nice share of the pot. You, too, can join this pool and perhaps get as lucky as I did, even if you know nothing, like I did (and do).

I should have posted this much earlier, as the deadline (midnight Saturday) is fast approaching. If you're interested in joining, visit the Bowl Game Game website, create an account, and make your picks. If I know you (and trust you) a simple email to me with an IOU will confirm your entry fee (you can follow up later). If you'd prefer to deal directly with the organizers, their contact information is on the website. In any case, don't delay! Give yourself an excuse to actually follow the Bowl season as it unfolds, and perhaps make the final game really exciting (like it was for me last year).

Lights Out

2006-12-14T09:46:00.000+03:00

One of the frustrating things about my housing area is that the generator providing us power is a little old. And the company who built the generator no longer manages it, while the new company doesn't carry parts for the old company's stuff. It all boils down to frequent (but mercifully brief) power outages at my little trailer.

So far it hasn't proved to be overly annoying, but the other morning I woke up a bit chilly since it had been out most of the night. Allegedly there's a plan to replace it with a new, more reliable generator sometime. Now that would be a nice Christmas present.

Special Deliveries

2006-12-12T23:47:00.000+03:00

As Christmas draws closer, the post office workers are getting exceptionally busy. On the bright side, "mail call" is taking on a new meaning as people pay closer attention to when the packages are delivered, and fight for the honor of collecting packages for their department so they can get all the thank you's as they hand out goodies.

Lots of people are getting care packages every day, and are of course sharing the goodies. Not only are there packages addressed to individuals, but lots of "Any Soldier" packages are arriving as well. I think I have enough chewing gum to last me a year.

We're also getting several Christmas cards per day, all thanking us for our service. It's heartwarming reading them and knowing people are taking the time to let us know how much we're appreciated. As unpopular as the war itself may be back home, I get the feeling that those of us serving here are still very much appreciated for doing our jobs. Thanks for the affirmation, those of you who send it. It means a lot.

Another day of adventure

2006-12-11T23:58:00.000+03:00

I've been sitting here for an hour trying to come up with something interesting that happened today. After all, one can't go 250 days or so and always have something new and exciting. (No, I didn't check the counter so I don't even know if I'm right — I'll check later!)

In any case, this Monday was much like any other day here. And I suspect Tuesday will be much the same. But I shouldn't knock monotony. Routine can be good. I'll just try to come up with something more interesting tomorrow. I'll start thinking about it now.

One sock short

2006-12-10T23:58:00.000+03:00

Anyone who’s ever owned a washing machine is familiar with the mystery of missing socks. Laundry in Iraq is no exception, as I have one mismatched sock floating around in my wardrobe. I figure it’s just a matter of time until I lose another one and will have an even number again.

But being that it’s the Christmas season, socks have a whole new meaning. In our office area, someone has gone to the trouble of hanging up dozens of Christmas stockings, each labeled with the name of one of the officers or soldiers who works in our section. Everyone’s there, except me, a discrepancy I noted with amusement today. Someone commented they think they have some baby socks somewhere to take care of that. Yep… still sore losers from the Army-Navy game.

Always moving forward

2006-12-10T00:13:00.000+03:00

Today I had a few errands to run, and borrowed some wheels, in particular a golf-cart sized vehicle made by a company called Polaris. (They, and the Gator brand are popular.) It’s a much better alternative than tooling around in a Humvee (which requires an “assistant driver”) or waiting for the bus, which doesn’t go everywhere and you have to wait for it a lot when it does go somewhere.

One thing I didn’t realize until I had nosed the vehicle into a parking spot, completed my errand, and prepared to leave, was that the reverse gear on the thing was broken. It only goes forward. While that’s a great motto for a motivational speech, it’s not really ideal for a vehicle.

I ended up pushing the thing backwards, occasionally adjusting the steering wheel, enough to make room to drive out frontward, with the occasional offer of help from a passerby. Fortunately it’s much lighter than a car and I didn’t need the assist. I’ll have to park more carefully the next time I use it.

Furious Friday

2006-12-08T23:17:00.001+03:00

TGIF really has lost its meaning for me at my current staff, as Friday ends up being one of my busiest days. It’s nice to really appreciate the weekend (or half of one) when it finally arrives, but even Mondays don’t compare. At least I know I can count down a relatively small number of Fridays remaining.

I’m already working on getting back into the swing of my permanent job teaching. Not by doing any high speed master’s level stuff, though. One of the soldiers in my office is taking an online Algebra course, and I’ve volunteered to help tutor him. It’s a blast from the past trying to remember stuff I haven’t done since the 8^th and 9^th grades. Yeah, both those years. I had to repeat that class. Odd that I ended up specializing in a mathematical discipline. At least it’s good motivation for the soldier I’m helping.

In case you were keeping track of my weather prediction of a few days ago, it still hasn’t rained, and isn’t forecast to do so for quite some time. Global warming, I’m sure.

Snowball Express Update

2006-12-07T21:48:00.000+03:00

The Christmas season is in full gear here, as people are decorating their offices with trees, lights, stockings, and other festive items. My office alone has three (small) trees, and there are many more in the hallways and other offices. I haven't seen a nativity scene yet, but I'm sure I will eventually.

Speaking of Christmas, I did post a few months ago about the Snowball Express, an organization giving an all expense paid trip to Disneyland (and other nearby places) for families of service members killed in Iraq and Afghanistan. They hope it will be a time of healing as the spouses and children interact with others who have suffered the same losses. It looks like they've received a good response, but they are still looking for volunteers. If you live in the Los Angeles area, I encourage you to help out. They're also looking for frequent flier mile donations as well if you have accumulated a bunch of those and are looking for a worthy cause.

It's the time of the month when it gets really dark after sunset until the moon comes up. I missed this particular phase last month while on R&R. Planning ahead and having a flashlight is a must to avoid tripping over things... which some soldiers have done, much to their embarrassment. I haven't laughed at them yet... I could be next!

Half Right

2006-12-06T23:14:00.000+03:00

Or half wrong, depending on your opinion. The weather-guessers gave a 50 percent chance of rain today, and the coin flipped to no rain. That was fine for me, as I had to do a bit of walking this afternoon and it was nice to stay dry. The overcast conditions even made it a little warmer at night, which was good. We’ve got another chance to kick off the rainy season tomorrow, and if it stays dry then I might think there’s something too all these claims of global climate change.

Time is zipping by, which is a surprise to me. I had expected it to drag a bit after my return from R&R. I guess part of that is that I have a project due in a week, and deadlines always do that to you. That, and I have been trying to keep as busy as I can.

Despite getting plenty of sleep the last couple of nights, I’m still feeling a bit tired in the evenings. It’s been long enough that jet lag shouldn’t be that much of a factor, but conceivably it is that. Or maybe someone switched the coffee to decaf without telling me.

The rainy season

2006-12-05T23:13:00.000+03:00

Some of you may have noticed some subtle differences in the format of the blog. The upgrade went smoothly, although I wasn't able to put everything back exactly the way it was before. But it's close enough. I'm not quite sure I'll take advantage of all the new features, but it's good to know they're there if I want them.

Sometime back in October when we had a day of rain, someone commented that the rainy season wasn't supposed to start until December 5. Well, it didn't rain today, but as if on cue, it's supposed to rain tomorrow. I'm rather impressed at the predictability of precipitation around here.

Actually, I should hold back on being impressed until the forecast actually holds true tomorrow. In any case, I'm bringing my "wet weather gear" in with me just in case.

New Blogger Version

2006-12-04T23:03:00.000+03:00

We interrupt this daily update of life in Iraq with a few technical notes.

First off, every time I log in to post, Blogger is nagging me to upgrade to the new version. It promises I won’t lose anything and that the blog will look the same. I’ll probably do that tomorrow sometime, but if the place disappears briefly, blame Google, who I think is in charge of Blogger. They’re pretty much in charge of everything these days.

As a second note, I’ll remind readers that you can get my updates in multiple forms. You can read the blog on the web, you can sign up to have it delivered to your email box when I post, or you can subscribe to the RSS feed. The email delivery uses yahoogroups which is less than reliable… I have noticed delays of several hours to even a day or more in the last few days. But such is the price for to-your-mailbox convenience.

Bragging Rights

2006-12-04T02:17:00.000+03:00

With the Army-Navy game win, I suppose I get a year of bragging rights. Actually, this is the fourth consecutive year that Navy beat both Army and Air Force, a feat no service academy has ever achieved... that's really something to brag about! Somehow the year never lasts that long, since in the run-up to the game everyone seems to forget who won, but it should last a short while.

I hope you all enjoyed the spirit spots during the game (if you watched). Some of them were a bit corny, and to be honest, I think Army did a better job with some of theirs. My favorite one, though, was apparently made here in Iraq and had a group of Army guys and Navy guys going off on a mission. As the spot ended, they showed both groups with a "Go Army" and "Go Navy" and "One Team, One Fight!" The Woops (Navy slang for West Point grads) and I all agreed it was excellent. And we really all are on the same team out here.

I did have a bet on the game with the Deputy Commander, namely that the loser would have to sing the winner's service song (in this case, Anchors Aweigh) in front of our morning staff meeting. During the game, he noted that if I had to sing, he and the other two West Point staffers would join me, so I think it's only fair that I will join them in the chorus. As they say, One Team, One Fight.

26-14!

2006-12-03T02:24:00.000+03:00

'Nuff Said.

GO NAVY! BEAT ARMY!

Roll up the score, Navy, Anchors Aweigh

2006-12-02T22:14:00.000+03:00

"Stand Navy down the field, sails set to the sky.
We'll never change our course, so Army you steer shy-y-y-y.
Roll up the score, Navy, Anchors Aweigh.
Sail Navy down the field and sink the Army, sink the Army Grey!"

We're within a few minutes of The Game, and I'm hanging out with some West Point grads here at the office so that I can harass them during (and after!) the game. It starts at 10:30pm and runs past midnight, but this is definitely one worth staying up for. We've been trading jabs back and forth all week, including a few well placed back-and-forth notes in this morning's staff brief. (I had the Chaplain on my side, so I think that trumps all the other ones!) Some have asked me why I have put up so much with the Army shenanigans, and I've explained that they need to take their shots before the game since they won't have a chance after! Touche!

If you watch the game until the end, you'll see one of the longstanding traditions, where the players all go to the opponents' side of the field to sing their alma maters... losing side first, and then the winners. I'll repeat that order and post the words here so you can sing along. (I'll actually put all verses, although traditionally only the first verse is sung at the game.)

The Alma Mater by P. S. Reinecke, USMA 1911

"Hail, Alma Mater dear,
To us be ever near,
Help us thy motto bear
Through all the years.
Let duty be well performed,
Honor be e'er untarned,
Country be ever armed,
West Point, by thee."

"Guide us, thy sons, aright,
Teach us by day, by night,
To keep thine honor bright,
For thee to fight.
When we depart from thee,
Serving on land or sea,
May we still loyal be,
West Point, to thee."

"And when our work is done,
Our course on earth is run,
May it be said, 'Well Done;
Be Thou At Peace.'
E'er may that line of gray
Increase from day to day,
Live, serve, and die, we pray,
West Point, for thee."

Of note, the second verse of the West Point alma mater starts out with "Guide us, thy sons, aright" and has not been changed despite its gender specific language. On the other hand, Navy's alma mater was altered in May 2004 to alter "college men" to read "colleges" and "sailor men" to read "sailors brave". While meaning absolutely no offense to female sailors who serve just as valiantly as the men, I'm still going to sing it the way it was pounded into my head 22 years ago.

Navy Blue and Gold

Lyrics by CDR Roy DeS. Horn, USN (Ret)
Music by J.W. Crosley

"Now colleges from sea to sea
May sing of colors true,
But who has better right then we
To hoist a symbol hue?
For sailors brave in battle fair
Since fighting days of old,
Have proved a sailor's right to wear
The Navy Blue and Gold."

"So hoist our colors, hoist them high,
And vow allegiance true,
So long as sunset gilds the sky
Above the ocean blue,
Unlowered shall those colors be
Whatever fate they meet,
So glorious in victory,
Triumphant in defeat."

"Four years together by the Bay
Where Severn joins the tide,
Then by the Service called away,
We've scattered far and wide;
But still when two or three shall meet,
And old tales be retold,
From low to highest in the Fleet
Will pledge the Blue and Gold."

Roomba gets tough

2006-12-01T13:12:00.000+03:00

One of my son's fascinations since he was three years old (perhaps even earlier) has been the "Roomba", the round, automatic vacuum cleaner that you may see at The Sharper Image, Home Depot, and various other stores. We actually bought one once, and quickly ran the thing into the ground. "Roomba goes round and round!" was frequently heard as our son mastered which buttons to press until, mercifully, the battery died.

I was amused today to read this article stating that the Roomba-making company, iRobot, is also the main manufacturer of the PackBot EOD, a robot to be used by the Explosive Ordnance Disposal experts in Iraq and Afghanistan to counter IEDs.

The PackBot looks quite a bit more tough than its floor-sweeping (or the floor-mopping Scooba variant) counterpart, and a little bit more fun to play with. One of my EWO colleagues actually gets to work with these robots in his "real job" back home. I envy him. Too bad the pricetag for this particular iRobot is a bit much for a Christmas gift for my son. He'll have to settle for something more practical.

Glow in the Dark

2006-11-29T20:51:00.000+03:00

One thing about the Army Combat Uniform (grey, digital camouflage) is that it’s hard to see. By design, of course. People spent a lot of time and money developing something that’s hard to see. Which, of course, makes it dangerous to walk around in the dark on a dimly lit base. At some point, someone in the chain of command has decided that we all need to wear highly reflective belts when walking around outside at night. I think this has been the policy for a while, but only recently are they actually cracking down on it. It’s amusing seeing someone in subdued grey tones with a bright, shiny yellow belt draped over their shoulder.

Along with the darkness comes the cold. I really noticed the difference between when I left for R&R, and still had to run my air conditioner, and when I returned, where the heater is running full time. I’ve been spending some time trying to find the right balance between too hot and too cold (good thing I’m not a porridge taster!) and think I’ve arrived at the right setting. My floor, exposed to the outside, is still a bit cold and I’m glad I had the forethought to purchase a rug earlier on.

I finally had an opportunity to watch last Thursday’s Broncos-Chiefs game, which was replayed tonight on AFN. I wasn’t able to watch it at home on Thanksgiving (perhaps mercifully so) because it was televised on a subscription-only cable channel! Who made that decision? At least AFN was able to get the game. Now we just need to see more winning!

Back in the Game

2006-11-28T13:01:00.000+03:00

A successful first full day back at work. Having paid no real attention to the news over here for the last three weeks, I had a lot of catching up to do with regard to the latest developments, but fortunately I had good people covering for me and they took good notes. I still don't feel back in the "routine" here, but I'm sure that will come soon enough, and I'll feel "back in the game" in no time.

Speaking of "the game," some Navy guys down in Baghdad managed to decorate a portion of the palace, providing their Army colleagues a woderful view on their way in to work. See below: I managed to sneak this picture into the morning brief, the first of many jabs I'm sure will be exchanged between me and the West Point grads on the staff.

As a final Navy Football note, I'm informed that Midshipman Tye Adams, starting Defensive End (#43) will be wearing our JCCS-1 patch on his uniform during the game. Be sure to tune in this weekend and cheer him (and the whole Navy team) on!

Spirit of the Season

2006-11-27T18:47:00.000+03:00

I made it back to my base today, in a rather smoothly executed travel plan. I'm told I'm one of the lucky ones, as many others have had problems and delays getting back. I'm still a bit jet lagged, and hope to rectify that with an extended night's sleep.

Leave was awesome. I really enjoyed the time with my family, and hardly thought about Iraq at all. I think that's how it's supposed to be! About the only disappointment during my many fun experiences was finding that Universal Studios has a "Raiders Store" in their "Citywalk" area. I might just boycott them!

I returned to my office to find that a fellow Bronco fan had borrowed my Bronco pennant. No doubt its absence from the lucky wall above my desk was the source of their recent troubles, and if I put it back up their performance should improve.

The first signs of the Christmas season were the Santa hats being worn by the flight crew of the C-130 that brought us back to Al Asad from Kuwait. But I'm not quite yet in the Christmas spirit. More importantly, this is the week to show my Navy spirit, as I'll be trading jabs with my boss, a West Point grad, in the runup to the Army-Navy game on Saturday.

All for now, my eyelids can't stay open any longer...

Unforgettable

2006-11-11T17:34:00.000+03:00

It's 6am Pacific Time and I've been awake for a few hours. Adjusting ten time zones can be difficult! But since everyone else is asleep, I figured I'd give everyone a quick update.

I did arrive safely back in the states and am enjoying two weeks with my family. I have never seen my son smile so widely as he did when he first saw me... so that's what "ear to ear" means! My daughter, despite only having known me the first month of her life, seems to have taken quite a fondness to me already. I'd like to think it's something special about me, but it's probably that I'm just a large version of her big brother, whom she adores. My wife is beautiful as always.

Our charter flight's arrival at Dallas was hailed with great ceremony. Fire trucks honored our return by spraying the plane with water as we passed (and all other jets held up to give us right of way to the gate). And as we left the plane we were met in the terminal by thunderous applause, lots of handshakes, and a few hugs. I'm not ordinarily a sentimental guy, but I almost cried. That unforgettable moment will stay with me throughout the rest of my military service. Thank you, Dallas Airport USO (who organized it) and thank you to everyone who takes the time to spot a service member in uniform and thank them for their service. Words cannot express how much it means to us all to know how much many people appreciate what we're doing.

Off to Disneyland!

Down Periscope

2006-11-06T16:46:00.000+03:00

After counting months, then weeks, and recently days until my return home for Rest & Recuperation (R&R) leave, I'm down to counting hours. Sometime tomorrow I'll be hopping a flight down to Kuwait, and then from there I'll be heading back home to see my family for the first time in seven months. I can't wait!

I have a full schedule of fun stuff to do to keep me busy, but more important than anything I'll be doing is the fact that I'll be doing it together with my family. And all that adds up to little or no time at the computer. This will be my last entry for about three weeks.

Don't forget to vote. Go Broncos! Go Navy! Beat Army!

"Down scope... "

Go Navy!

2006-11-05T22:34:00.000+03:00

This was a good weekend for Navy Football. On Friday night, Air Force soundly defeated Army, ensuring that Navy will retain the Commander-in-Chief's trophy this year no matter what happens in the Army-Navy game. (We all know Navy will win and this will be a moot point, but "clinching" the trophy is nice!)

As an aside, this banner was unfurled at the Air Force-Army game, and received loud cheers from cadets on both teams. [Hat tip: Blackfive.]

Navy went on to defeat Duke on Saturday, for their sixth win, clinching a spot in the Meineke Car Care Bowl in Charlotte. Go Navy!

Excitement

2006-11-04T23:37:00.000+03:00

Quoth the kid: "I have giggles and giggles and giggles all inside of me because I get to see my Daddy. Do you have giggles inside of you?"

Mom: "Yes, I have giggles inside of me for you."

Kid: "But I have more giggles than you!"

Two days and a wake-up.

Terrorists endorse the Democrats

2006-11-03T22:36:00.000+03:00

Here's a quick round up of some of the most interesting items in today's news.

First off, Iraqi Forces discovered an ass load of mines being smuggled in from Iran. I'm serious! And I'm not being profane! Read the article.

In other news, it appears the New York Times tried their version of a November Surprise, publishing an article about how Congress pushed the Bush administration to make available documents on the net that could enable anyone to build a nuclear weapon. What were these documents? Iraqi documents seized from the Hussein regime. Made public in the interest of showing the world what they were doing. The interesting thing about the NYT's report, though, is that they are admitting just how close Saddam was to building a WMD, and supporting the President's rationale for the war. [Hat Tip: Captain's Quarters]

And finally, the subject of this post, a lovely collection of political endorsements from terrorists. In case you don't know who to vote for, let's ask our enemies.

Everybody has an opinion about next Tuesday's midterm congressional election in the U.S. – including senior terrorist leaders interviewed by WND who say they hope Americans sweep the Democrats into power because of the party's position on withdrawing from Iraq, a move, as they see it, that ensures victory for the worldwide Islamic resistance.
The terrorists told WorldNetDaily an electoral win for the Democrats would prove to them Americans are "tired."

"Of course Americans should vote Democrat," Jihad Jaara, a senior member of the Al Aqsa Martyrs Brigades terror group and the infamous leader of the 2002 siege of Bethlehem's Church of the Nativity, told WND.

"This is why American Muslims will support the Democrats, because there is an atmosphere in America that encourages those who want to withdraw from Iraq. It is time that the American people support those who want to take them out of this Iraqi mud," said Jaara, speaking to WND from exile in Ireland, where he was sent as part of an internationally brokered deal that ended the church siege.

Muhammad Saadi, a senior leader of Islamic Jihad in the northern West Bank town of Jenin, said the Democrats' talk of withdrawal from Iraq makes him feel "proud."

"As Arabs and Muslims we feel proud of this talk," he told WND. "Very proud from the great successes of the Iraqi resistance. This success that brought the big superpower of the world to discuss a possible withdrawal."

Abu Abdullah, a leader of Hamas' military wing in the Gaza Strip, said the policy of withdrawal "proves the strategy of the resistance is the right strategy against the occupation."

"We warned the Americans that this will be their end in Iraq," said Abu Abdullah, considered one of the most important operational members of Hamas' Izzedine al-Qassam Martyrs Brigades, Hamas' declared "resistance" department. "They did not succeed in stealing Iraq's oil, at least not at a level that covers their huge expenses. They did not bring stability. Their agents in the [Iraqi] regime seem to have no chance to survive if the Americans withdraw."

Abu Ayman, an Islamic Jihad leader in Jenin, said he is "emboldened" by those in America who compare the war in Iraq to Vietnam.

In a recent interview with CBS's "60 Minutes," House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi, stated, "The jihadists (are) in Iraq. But that doesn't mean we stay there. They'll stay there as long as we're there."

WND read Pelosi's remarks to the terror leaders, who unanimously rejected her contention an American withdrawal would end the insurgency.

Islamic Jihad's Saadi, laughing, stated, "There is no chance that the resistance will stop."

He said an American withdrawal from Iraq would "prove the resistance is the most important tool and that this tool works. The victory of the Iraqi revolution will mark an important step in the history of the region and in the attitude regarding the United States."

Jihad Jaara said an American withdrawal would "mark the beginning of the collapse of this tyrant empire (America)."

While the terror leaders each independently urged American citizens to vote for Democratic candidates, not all believed the Democrats would actually carry out a withdrawal from Iraq.

[Hat tip: Power Line]

TGIF!

2006-11-03T01:10:00.000+03:00

Tomorrow is finally Friday, and an exciting milestone for me, as, barring unusual circumstances, I’ll be enjoying the next three Fridays at home on R&R. To say I’m excited is an understatement. I’ve been looking forward to this leave for … about 214 days or so. It couldn’t come early enough.

I’m finishing tying up loose ends here and making sure things will run smoothly in my absence. Fortunately I’ve already been doing a lot of delegating, which means that things will run much the same as they have been in many areas, except I don’t get the credit for other people’s work as much. Hey, it’s nice when the people working for you are really smart, hard working folks, like I’m blessed to have!

I’ll continue the Kerry-bashing from my previous post and note that the chow hall has run out of (Heinz brand) ketchup. French fries just aren’t the same without it. I think I might write a letter to the Senator and see if his wife can help us out.

A Message To Sen. Kerry

2006-11-02T00:35:00.000+03:00

I wish I could claim credit for any part of this. But really, I just nabbed it from the front page of The Drudge Report. Hilarious.

November Surprises

2006-11-02T00:14:00.000+03:00

Moods were generally upbeat today (which I will share despite the blogging policy saying I’m not supposed to discuss morale! Bah!) primarily because it was a new month. While it was also a payday, most people were celebrating the change of the calendar more than the money in the bank, which we have very little to spend on out here. I’m sure my wife back home is enjoying the funds, though!

We are all amused at the back-and-forth of the political attacks as the election back home enters its final week. Today, of course, the topic of discussion was Senator Kerry’s mangled dig at Bush that ended up sounding like he was calling the troops stupid. Not many troops cared that much… most had given up listening to Kerry back in 2004. Still, it was something to muse about over lunch.

We’re all looking forward to the November Surprise this week. Will we finally reveal that we have actually captured Osama? Or that we discovered where the WMD are? Stay tuned to your local stations. Just blank out the commercials.

All Saints Day

2006-11-01T00:44:00.000+03:00

Happy Halloween! I’m getting reports of the fun back home and what costumes the kids are wearing (or are refusing to wear, in the younger one’s case) and that’s a good thing. More importantly, the calendar is turning over to a new month, one in which I’ll spend a lot of time at home on R&R. I’m very excited. We’re to the point of finalizing vacation plans, making reservations, and other fun stuff.

Work is keeping me busy, which is only helping time fly by even faster. I’m actually getting a lot accomplished.

Chuck Norris was here tonight signing autographs. Since I’m not really that big a fan, I decided to skip out on the signing, although I did see him from across the room, and consider that enough. The guys in our group’s karate class all took their belts to get them autographed… if I took a martial arts class I would probably have done that as well.

Rumor around here is they’re renaming tomorrow from “All Saints Day” to “Chuck Norris Day”. Go figure.

All the news that's not fit to print

2006-10-30T19:14:00.000+03:00

Some of the talk behind the scenes in military blogger circles is the "crack down" by the powers-that-be on military blogging in general. While we've all known for a while that some people were watching us, this article tells us who.

We all want to do the right thing and not publish information that will help the enemy, so it's hard to resent such scrutiny, but at the same time, some of the threats for misdeeds (of which I'm guilty of a few necessary after-the-fact deletions) are pretty severe, so we really have to watch ourselves.

Ironically, the Navy submarine force has been nicknamed the "silent service" because we were so tight-lipped about what we did on our missions. I find some of the Army restrictions even more "silent". But necessarily, my comments are tending toward the more mundane aspects of life here. War stories of the more interesting aspects of life here will have to wait until I come home.

Chucky

2006-10-29T23:14:00.000+03:00

The guys around the office are going all out on the halloween decorations. Our Tactical Operations Center (TOC) is decked out in spider webs, bats, and a few other decorations including Chucky, star of some horror movies that I have never seen and never plan to see.

More importantly for most of us, a different Charles is here for Halloween. Chuck Norris (a local cult icon) is around! Nobody's really sure just where Chuck is at the moment, but he is scheduled to make an appearance at the MWR sometime that we'll need to investigate. One of the officers on our staff teaches a martial arts class and is trying to get him to stop by.

Snowball Express

2006-10-28T22:38:00.000+03:00

In about two weeks, I'll be having a wonderful time with my family at Disneyland. Many families of soldiers, sailors, airmen, and marines, will not have the luxury of a time with their loved ones this year... or ever again, but an organization called Snowball Express is trying for the next best thing.

These wonderful folks are planning a party and an all expenses paid trip together to Disneyland for families of servicemen and women killed in Iraq and Afghanistan. The trip is just before Christmas this year.

Most of us over here will readily admit that the real heroes are not those of us doing our jobs, but our families back home, carrying on in our absence, and sometimes having to carry on without us permanently. I encourage you to visit the Snowball Express website and help out the families of our fallen warriors by giving them a wonderful holiday experience together with other families like them.

Perspectives

2006-10-28T00:20:00.000+03:00

One interesting coincidence that happened on my trip down to TQ was that I bumped into someone I recognized in the passenger terminal. It turned out we both went through the training process together at Fort Jackson, and he was just finishing his Individual Augmentee tour. It really brought home to me the fact that if I had been on the “usual” six month Navy orders, I’d have been headed home as well. So it was briefly demotivating.

But the more I thought about it, the more I realized I’m content with the current schedule I have. Not that I wouldn’t love to go home right now, but there are some projects I plan to finish and I just wouldn’t feel right leaving them undone. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and I’m comfortable walking there at a reasonable pace so that I can do things right.

I mentioned yesterday that the sand was a different consistency there, and in fact the entire surroundings seemed different, even just moving from one part of the base to another.. In one direction was a large lake and a “beach”. In another, across a river, lush green surrounding a city could be seen against the backdrop of hills. In yet another direction, miles of dirt. It’s quite different than here at Al Asad where the common joke is that we’re in a “moon crater” and things look pretty much the same no matter where you are.

It all goes to show that there are a multitude of different experiences in Iraq. It’s been interesting observing some of them. But I can’t wait to experience that wonderful “going home” feeling…

Lakeside Vacation

2006-10-26T22:02:00.000+03:00

I returned sometime shortly after sunrise from what was supposed to be a 24-hour trip to another base, and turned into a 48-hour trip once all the various flight delays got factored in. Ugh. If a commercial airline treated me this way, I'd sue for my money back.

If you've spent any considerable time looking at a map of Iraq, you'll have seen three large inland lakes. The middle one of these three is Lake Habbaniyah, and nestled up against that lake is the base of Al Taqqadum. I'd say it was one of the smaller bases, and if you consider that population-wise, it's probably true. But the fact is, most base dimensions are determined by the length of a runway, and TQ (the local abbreviation for the base) is no different. It's just a lot more sparse in between little pockets of population, like the housing area dubbed "Hotel California."

Appropriate for a lakeside base, the sand was a different consistency than the "moon dust" talcum powder consistency here at Al Asad. It seemed much more like beach sand... actually absorbed the water when it rained.

I actually did fly "first class" on the trip down there. I was booked on a C-130, and they asked for volunteers to sit up front in the cockpit. Nobody else raised their hand so I jumped at the opportunity. It was nice to sit facing forward and actually see things, as well as listen in to the air crew banter on the intercom. A very professional operation. The only downside to the trip down there was that initially my flight was scheduled early enough in the morning that they wanted me at the passenger terminal at 5am... and I found this out at 10pm the previous night! Yikes! Turns out the flight ended up delayed/postponed and I didn't fly out until about noon... could have slept in!

The flight problems going down were nowhere near those coming back. I was pleased to find a nice evening 9pm helicopter flight back. Shortly after checking in I was told I was bumped to a later flight... and shortly after that an earlier flight opened up for "Space available" seats. Because of the (in my opinion silly) way they track passengers, since I was a scheduled passenger they would NOT let me fly space A on the earlier flight, which left with empty seats. And by the time my newly scheduled flight was supposed to go, a storm blew through, and it didn't actually fly until sometime in the middle of the night! I didn't get back to my room to sleep until about 9am. I'm off to bed now to try to catch up on the very limited amount of sleep I got in a morning nap (slept through lunch, too).

Grand Tour

2006-10-23T23:50:00.000+03:00

One of the differences between military air and civilian flights is the schedules. Sometimes you don’t know until a few hours before a flight that you actually are booked on a flight. Such is the case for my last minute notice that I’m flying a lot earlier than I had planned tomorrow.

I’ll be bouncing around the country for the next few days, no doubt flying first class. Stories of my adventures on my return!

Happiness Factor > 1.0

2006-10-22T23:44:00.000+03:00

Another week has elapsed and I have very little of interest to report, other than my chronic calendar watching.

I have now been “In Theater” more than 180 days. Many of the Individual Augmentee tours are only 180 days (after stateside training) and if I had volunteered for one of those I might be on my way home now. Lucky me! Actually, I probably will be lucky and spend something significantly less than the 365 planned. I’m holding off on updating my counter until things are a bit more certain, though.

I also have less time between now and my R&R leave than I will spend on R&R leave. That’s a ratio that we called the “Happiness Factor” at the Naval Academy, and it’s now greater than 1.0, always a good thing. Part of me wants time to fly by so I can start R&R but the other part of me wants this amount of time to actually be “long” since it’s what I’ll get to enjoy back home.

I’m chatting online regularly with my wife, making plans for R&R and even for my eventual return. It’s nice to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Still a ways to go, though, and lots of work between here and there.

Old Ironsides

2006-10-21T22:36:00.000+03:00

On October 21, 1797, the USS Constitution was launched in Boston, Massachusetts. It is arguably one of the most famous ships in the Navy, if not the most famous. It is the oldest U.S. Navy ship in commission, and since the only older commissioned ship in the world, HMS Victory, is drydocked, it is the oldest commissioned ship afloat.

Built with planks up to seven inches thick, Constitution was able to withstand many of the heavy British broadsides during the War of 1812, and earned the nickname "Old Ironsides."

The U.S. Army First Armored Division, currently deployed to Iraq, was formed in 1940. When searching for a nickname for the division in 1941, the commander was inspired by a painting of Constitution and the "Old Ironsides" nickname, along with an illustrious and famous fighting history.

Old Ironsides' launching is not the only significant event on this day. Eight years later, on October 21, 1805, the British fleet under Lord Nelson, annihilated the Franco-Spanish fleet in the Battle of Trafalgar without losing a single ship, arguably the most famous battle in Naval history. Happy Trafalgar Day!

The Last Action Hero

2006-10-20T21:54:00.001+03:00

"Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice."

"Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi."

"There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live."

When I first started hearing the guys in the office trading "Chuck Norris Facts" I thought it was just a humorous thing between the guys in my office. But I've since found out that it's a rather widespread phenomenon across Iraq. The generals in my chain of command are on the mailing list for the "Chuck Fact of the Day," the facts make regular appearances on our daily briefings, and you can reliably find a Chuck Fact grafittied inside most latrines. An officer quoted in this article equates Chuck to World War II's "Kilroy was here."

"When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down."

"There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up."

Want more? You can find them at http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/

Caffeinated

2006-10-19T23:31:00.000+03:00

I read Dilbert every day, and since I mentioned how Dilbert-ish things can get around here, I found the last two days of strips rather amusing. It is true that the day to day routine, including endless meetings, tends to wear one down. But the lovely smell of fresh coffee brings a bright, cheery smile to everyone's face!

One of the items I inherited in my new office is a coffee maker, and the guys have a large bag of gourmet Starbucks coffee (they come from Ft. Lewis, in Washington state) so I am enjoying lots of the stuff and it's really helping out my productivity. Unfortunately, I'm the only one in the office who drinks coffee, which leaves me to finish off most of the pot. I really do need to cut back.

Meetings, meetings, meetings

2006-10-19T00:28:00.000+03:00

Today was one of those not-rare-enough moments where I ended up being late for a meeting because I was stuck in another meeting that ran late. As a matter of fact, the day was pretty much a solid block of meetings from morning to evening. Some of the meetings were to plan other meetings, ironically enough. It seemed very Dilbert-ish.

I'm enjoying my new computer, and I think I've finally finished the nearly endless series of updates and patches and multiple reboots, so things should run a bit more smoothly from here on out. I'm working on trying to recover data from the old machine... not that I need anything, but more as just a challenge to see if I can...

The definition of imminent

2006-10-17T20:01:00.000+03:00

About two months ago, my laptop started giving me a warning that hard drive failure was imminent, and that I should back up my data immediately. It was nice to get the warning, but admittedly after using the machine without major problems for a few months, I had started to ignore them.

So it came as quite a surprise last night when my hard drive failed. Blue is a lovely color unless it's the famous "blue screen of death." Ah, well, can't say I wasn't warned. And I even know that the "next time" I should have about two months to back up my data. (This is the same sort of experimenting I do with the gas tank warning light, much to the frustration of my wife.)

Fortunately for me, the PX has a really nice system at a really low price. With no tax, even. Guess I need to put that tax free salary toward something...

Manic Monday

2006-10-16T14:01:00.000+03:00

Sorry for the lack of a post yesterday. I was busy simultaneously mourning the demise of Navy’s offense and cheering on the awesome defense of the Denver Broncos. As satisfying as watching the Raiders lose was, it certainly would have been nice to have been more of a blowout. Oh, well. There’s always the next time.

This looks to be a busy week for me, and the next few weeks even busier. Lots of work, coupled with impending deadlines, are both certain means of making time go faster, which is always a good thing.

A quick public service announcement to some of the commenters who have asked for my address… when you submit your comment anonymously, I don’t have your email address to reply, and even if I’ve written you previously to my September change of base, I probably lost your address. So please drop me a line by email if you have it, or include your own email in your comment! Thanks!

Real Life Hero

2006-10-14T14:09:00.000+03:00

I’m frequently the recipient of those “feel good” stories that get passed around the internet, and only a few times a year do I find some compelling enough to pass on. This is one of them. (I’ve received it twice already, and I apologize to those of you who have seen it, but it bears repeating!) Frequently people tell me and other members of the military that we’re heroes for what we do. But we are nothing compared to this man.

[From Sports Illustrated writer Rick Reilly]

I try to be a good father. Give my kids mulligans. Work nights to pay for their text messaging. Take them to swimsuit shoots. But compared with Dick Hoyt, I suck. Eighty-five times he's pushed his disabled son, Rick, 26.2 miles in marathons. Eight times he's not only pushed him 26.2 miles in a wheelchair but also towed him 2.4 miles in a dinghy while swimming and pedaled him 112 miles in a seat on the handlebars -- all in the same day (doing the Ironman Triathlon). Dick's also pulled him cross-country skiing, taken him on his back mountain climbing and once hauled him across the U.S.on a bike. Makes taking your son bowling look a little lame, right?

And what has Rick done for his father? Not much -- except save his life.

This love story began in Winchester, Mass., 43 years ago, when Rick was strangled by the umbilical cord during birth, leaving him brain-damaged and unable to control his limbs. "He'll be a vegetable the rest of his life," Dick says doctors told him and his wife, Judy, when Rick was nine months old, "Put him in an institution." But the Hoyts weren't buying it. They noticed the way Rick's eyes followed them around the room. When Rick was 11 they took him to the engineering department at Tufts University and asked if there was anything to help the boy communicate. "No way," Dick says he was told. "there's nothing going on in his brain." "Tell him a joke," Dick countered. They did. Rick laughed. Turns out a lot was going on in his brain. They rigged up with a computer that allowed him to control the cursor. By touching a switch with the side of his head, Rick was finally able to communicate. First words? "Go Bruins!"

And after a high school classmate was paralyzed in an accident and The school organized a charity run for him, Rick pecked out, "Dad, I want to do that." Yeah, right. How was Dick, a self-described "porker" who never ran more than a mile at a time, going to push his son five miles? Still, he tried. "then it was me who was handicapped," Dick says. "I was sore for two weeks." That day changed Rick's life. "Dad," he typed, "when we were running, it felt like I wasn't disabled anymore!" And that sentence changed Dick's life. He became obsessed with giving Rick that feeling as often as he could. He got into such hard-belly shape that he and Rick were ready to try the 1979 Boston Marathon.

"No way," Dick was told by a race official. The Hoyts weren't quite a single runner, and they weren't quite a wheelchair competitor. For a few years Dick and Rick just joined the massive field and ran anyway, then they found a way to get into the race officially: In 1983 they ran another marathon so fast they made the qualifying time for Boston the following year. Then somebody said, "Hey, Dick, why not a triathlon?" How's a guy who never learned to swim and hadn't ridden a bike since he was six going to haul his 110-pound kid through a triathlon? Still, Dick tried. Now they've done 212 triathlons, including four grueling 15-hour Ironmans in Hawaii. It must be a buzz kill to be a 25-year-old stud getting passed by an old guy towing a grown man in a dinghy, don't you think?

Hey, Dick, why not see how you'd do on your own? "No way," he says. Dick does it purely for "the awesome feeling" he gets seeing Rick with a cantaloupe smile as they run, swim and ride together. This year, at ages 65 and 43, Dick and Rick finished their 24th Boston Marathon, in 5,083rd place out of more than 20,000 starters. Their best time? Two hours, 40 minutes in 1992 -- only 35 minutes off the world record, which, in case you don't keep track of these things, happens to be held by a guy who was not pushing another man in a wheelchair at the time.

"No question about it," Rick types. "My dad is the Father of the Century." And Dick got something else out of all this too . Two years ago he had a mild heart attack during a race. Doctors found that one of his arteries was 95% clogged. "If you hadn't been in such great shape," one doctor told him, "you probably would've died 15 years ago." So, in a way, Dick and Rick saved each other's lives.

Rick, who has his own apartment (he gets home care) and works in Boston, and Dick, retired from the military and living in Holland, Mass., always find ways to be together. They give speeches around the country and compete in some backbreaking race every weekend, including this Father's Day. That night, Rick will buy his dad dinner, but the thing he really wants to give him is a gift he can never buy. "The thing I'd most like," Rick types, "is that just once my dad sit in the chair and I push him."

Here's the video: